The Fleshmans are turning 2!!

It's our 2 year Anniversary! 

Yay for living the good life!

Mind. Blown.

Josh just told me. In a casual manner. That he has only seen a "few" episodes of Star Trek...(?).. .none of the movies either.........and I just don't know what to do.
......how can I even begin to explain.
There is to much....
...it feels so wrong...
This is bigger than me. For I am only one (Wo)man.

With any epic story. It must start at the beginning.

He even said Star War Trek! To my very own face you guys!!! Like he doesn't even know the difference!!!
I covenanted with him to watch all the movies TOGETHER as a family from the start. I told him he didn't have to watch the series. (But I want to!) because it may actually take us years as it is. But he said he would. (Whew!)

I remember watching the original Star trek reruns on Sunday nights at my Grandma Nada's house. and it killed when dad said we had to leave before the episode was over. Tantrum worthy even. I am actually really excited to be able to do this together.
We are totally Embarking on an Epic Journey and I am Joshes guide.

How the I love you's came about...

I promised this story a while back. It's of course... about Josh and I. It's very special to me and I hope the wonderfulness of this story translates well to our blog readers.

To better understand the time line and my way of thinking and my reaction. I need to quickly explain some things.
 I left an abusive marriage on June 12th 2008 (We don't blog about him)
 On my sister's birthday oddly enough. I then went through this period of my life where I put every thing I had into feeling exactly the opposite of the way I felt during that time.
 Those feelings were:

• Ugly
• Stupid
• Unwanted
• Weak
• Unlovable

So I had a coupon from my work for a hair cut and color at a salon in town. So I went and bore my heart out to my stylist, made a good friend and came out blonde and with bangs. (No one recognized me after she was done. NO ONE. lol, Which is what I wanted really.) To this day I still adore her.
Then I went out and bought makeup. I made it a competition actually. Relatively unknown in Olympic circles unfortunately as I would have had a definite win. I went and replaced the drab "High school left overs" / "What he wanted me to be's" hanging in my closet. With cute shirts and jeans and dresses. (and SHOES!!)
I then went out and made a thousand friends. Shopping friends, Work friends, Church friends, Wednesday friends, Friday friends, Whatever friends, Whenever friends. More to prove a point to myself then too .....have friends.
Then I got tough. I got callused and I hid a lot of feelings. I acted like things didn't bother me when they did and acted nonchalant about everything. To quote an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I played it cucumber. As in cool as a...

Mostly because I refused to be taken advantage of again. No one was ever going to make me feel the way I felt. I was never going to feel Used, Ugly, Stupid or taken advantage of ever again. No one was ever getting that close again to even be able to try to. Ever again.


....then I met Josh....

...and It was really hard......

.....you've probably never heard anyone say it was hard to fall in love.....but it was for me....
not because of him or anything he did. Just because of what I had gone through and the damage I have.

So after all that. Here's our first "I Love You."


I had just worked a six hour shift at my job. So I bought us lunch and met Josh in the parking lot in front of our building. For a car picnic. :)
You know sometimes how you have conversations in your head? Where your both sides of the of the conversation? And it just runs on about things. I was on my 2nd week of exactly that and it was just getting louder. It was more like The Defense and The Prosecution. Then the Judge and Jury all in there talking and bantering. It was going something like this.

Brain: You like him.
Me: What?! No.
Brain: Oh Yeah. You do.
Me: No way.
Brain: Oh yeah. You like him. ALOT.
Me: mmmm no.
Brain: Oh yeah. You tots wanna have his curly haired children
Me: Who?
Brain: Oh. You know who.
Me: I don't Josh what your talking about.
Brain: AHAH!
Defense: Objection your honor!
Judge: Sustained.
Me: uhh. no.
Brain: C'mon.
Me: Nope. Not possible.
Prosecution: Why is that?
Me: Because he doesn't even think about me like that.
Jury: What about the text he sent you. Saying he liked you?
Prosecution: What about when he blushes when you walk by?
Judge: Yeah I've seen that to.
Me: Watch it Judge!
Brain: What about that one friend that he told that he wanted to ask you out?
Me: Which time?
Brain: HA! See!
Me:....
Defense: Objection!
Jury: You wanna marry him, and have him some babies, and take his last name, and bake him cake, and kiss his face!!!! I knew it!
Me: That's crazy talk.
Brain: It's so true. She totally thinks about it.
Me: BRAIN!
Me: Why would I ever be that stupid again? So like I love him? What's that? Like who does that?
Brain: Um "who does that?" like...besides everybody?
Me: No... I don't believe in "Love" Men are dogs and once you're in a relationship. They lie or cheat or hurt you and then try to change you. Or get tired of you. Or use and abuse you. For some reason, no one wants me.  I only date for free food. You. know that! WE. know that!  No one puts baby in the corner! Remember??
Brain: ok. so maybe it used to be like that. but what if it's different this time?
Me: Like what's "Different" He's a boy. I'm a girl. We like each other. What's the difference? They all start this way. They all end that way.
Judge: So you like him.
Me: ....I like him....
Prosecution: A lot?
Me: .....ALOT....
Defense:...ummm...
Me:...crap...
Brain:...You love him...Alot...
Me: i love him a lot
Brain: ...and...
Me: ...I wanna marry him...
Defense: badgering of the witness your honor!!!


And on it would go....and go. But through all that I'm trying to keep a lid on it and stay cucumber and nonchalant. So it had been a bad day. I bring him his lunch. We eat and have a great time. Then he says. "Well I better head back."
So I'm like " K. Bye! I love you"....
and he stops dead in his tracks.....
like he was leaning towards the door, about to lift his butt off the seat to stand up and get out.
and he looks at me with his beautiful soulful brown eyes....
and leans back in.
and I panic....because I have just blown my cover...
So I start to blabber...
...And go into DefCon 1 mode and a full retreat at the same time. So I start to apologize. I say
 "I mean haha sorry hah. That slipped off....uh.. out. Haha. I don't want to weird things up. Hah. that wasn't what I meant. Haha.ya know... mess them up... haha "
 (I try to open my door.)
 "haah..."
(it's locked.)
" haha..."
(..but that doesn't register..)
"...um hahha...uh...
 (I still keep trying to open it anyway.)
 "..between us. haha."
(and I'm in the driver's seat)
" haaa..."
(and it's my own car, I'm trying to leave)
So to recap: I have just dropped the L-bomb on the boy I have been kinda obsessing over for the last 2 weeks. Not just obsessing over him. Obsessing over Marrying him AND spending our lives together. The boy I haven't kissed or told anyone my feelings for yet. Because I was scared. Scared to love him. Scared to share him. Scared to make it real. Scared to be vulnerable again. Scared that now that I have realized all this. Something had to happen. Something had to change, it was going to change, a conversation had to happen now and I was afraid of it hurting. Hurting so much. Oh. And now after I have dropped said "Love you. Need you. Want to Husband you." Nuclear Bunker Buster on/all over him. I am now viciously trying to exit the vehicle. MY vehicle, that I'm driving, that I drove up in. Furiously trying to work that handle. Trying to get out. Like I owe him money. Like there is a dead body in the trunk. Like we are at the mall and he is trying to sell me lotion or get me to take a survey at a kiosk.

               So then I look back at him and his eyes have gone from me to my hand on the handle.
Then I say. "You don't have to say it back" (but I wanted him to) I look at him and he is looking at my hand still viciously trying to work the door lock.
        And then I stop completely...all systems fail. I admit defeat and all I can squeak out is a small. "...sorry ....I know things change when people say that. And I don't want to weird you out or anything."....
 and I turn away. Trying to prepare for the letdown, the break up awkward non-committal talk that he will surely give me.
          Then Josh says.
                                   "I love you too....And everything's going to be okay."

 ...and I believe him.

 He then reaches out to me and wraps his arms around me and holds me and I feel still and safe. I feel a relief wash over me. Then I break down. I cry. I cry hard right into his chest. Because all I've ever wanted is for someone to love me. I cry uncontrollable sobs on his uniform, an ugly deep, emotional cry. With snot and slobber and all sorts of mascara and hair stuck to the sides of my face with tears. And he just holds me. And we just sit for a while until I can stop crying. I'm about to try to break the ice by saying something funny. (Like I do) something like. "Heey Sorry about all that crazy that just spilled all over...wahaha" Or something else lame.  Then he says to me.

 "Do you ever think about getting married?"
I say. "Uhm...Yeah....a lot actually. ...today even."
Then somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a gavel and a judge say.
"Case Dismissed!!"

We share everything.

Even Joshes sock.

Look who got Married 1 Year ago today! Happy Anniversary!!!!

 I love you baby!

You've made me the happiest ever!! Happy Anniversary!!

Who's got 2 thumbs and loooves you guys??

THE FLESHMANS!!!!! Happy Easter Every one.


 (On a side note doesn't Josh look  like he's screaming out in pain? lol)
It took us 3 times to get a good pic that had at least 2 thumbs in it, and Josh was like "Baby!! I have homework!" because I kept saying. "Okay last one."

Penny Lane Our furry baby from another's womb

Brand new baby

 All asleep n stuff! Ohh!

 She like to sleep in our sink

 And joshes drawers

And the bowl I was going to puke in. (!!!Bra alert whoops! Josh never puts his clothes away.)
So we saw this kitty when we were at PetSmart one day. Getting treats for my dog lucy. She had one orange leg and that made her far more awesome than any other regular kitten inside a glass box. (It is a pretty awesome leg I will admit.) It's attached to a pretty awesome kitten to as well. Well josh loves cats. Dogs to but cats he loves. (I think its cause he likes to snuggle lots, but he won't let me say that.) and we talked about this cat for lots after we left. He was always asking me if I would go get her. I would say things like "What? Your crazy! A cat?" Then he would say. "oh ok" all sad and stuff which would break my widdle heart. So for his birthday I went and bought him a little orange legged putty tat and put her in the bathroom and acted like I knew nothing trying to pretend I was a sleep. So he walked in to the bedroom and heard a little meow and he was like "Was that a cat? " so I say. "What? No. That's crazy." so then he believes me and starts taking his shoes off! I was like oh crap! He'll never find her! then she meowed again thank goodness! and he ran to the bathroom and found his new baby birthday present. She is so precious to us. (and Crazy!) and is so pretty! We love her lots!

How we got started......Skittles

Your prolly wondering how a delicious treat like Skittles has any thing to do with us and how we got started. Its more of a connection that we made over them...and a movie.

A movie that I went to go see with a group of friends at Edwards while Josh was at work. And right when it started getting good.....out the power went. So we got refunds and planned to go again and re-see it all together. Well I had to work so the group went with out me. So Josh took me to see it. (ya know the whole thing...all at once.) and there was this part where this man has his bag taken and then stomped on. And he screams "Hey! There are skittles in there!" And we laughed so hard and we quoted the movie over and over. 

So then when I ever I saw skittles I thought of Josh and our movie date. So I would send him skittle pictures from my phone and say. "Hey there are Skittles in there!" in the message. Just to make him laugh. Every one else got tired of it. But it was our joke.

So one day I'm actually eating skittles and I get a mishapen one. So I take a picture and send it to Josh saying its the Skittle son the skittle family doesn't want to talk about. 

And that's part of how our friendship grew. And eventually grew into Love. I think anyway. 

I just realized....

I haven't shared any of our Wedding photo's!

How we started...

So this looks weird.
But true to the post title. This is how we started.
 Not how we met though.
 It was a disco ball that you hung from the rear view mirror for your car. Just a decoration that I had bought. Because I thought it was cute and funny and eye catching and all the things I ever wanted to be. It was all that and it didn't need any help doing it. So I bought it, I hung it and it broke. And then it rolled around on the car floor for a while. Until it got stuck under neath the gas pedal one day after I pulled in to the driveway at Joshes house for the first time. So I grabbed it and held it out. Just like the picture above. And Josh said.
 "What is it?"
 And I didn't know what to say it was. Because it had changed from what it had been. So I just said.
"A ball."
 And well... Who could argue with that? So then of course he was just like.
..."oh."
 Then he asked.
"What do you do with it?"
 So then right there I made up a game where you hold the ball in your palm. Let it roll down your arm and when it got to the crook of your elbow you snapped your elbow straight and it popped the ball in the air. If you could do all that and catch it. You won. So I say this is how we started. Because I found myself in a place where I saw a human being that I cared for. Sitting next to me. And I was petrified. So it was easy to look down and focus on the "Game" And mask my awkwardness with awesomeness... at disco ball popping. I was better than him for a while. It was prolly because I was so worried about nerding out. I had so much pain to hide that I knew I was eventually going to share with him. Which was scary and posed an almost unbearable gamble for me being open to rejection. Which just the thought of was already hurting. It was a nice activity to take my mind off my thoughts in my head. I was able to open up and get to know him. Laugh and joke around and try to sabotage his turn with the disco ball. We would play and talk for hours and just be with each other before there were ever any dates or parents to meet or before there was even an "us". And we were slowly able to grow to know each other and to become best friends. And that's how we got started. I think anyways. ;)

Our 1st Valentines Date as a Married Couple.

February 14th 2011 was our first Valentines Day as a married couple and as our 1st Valentines Date it was special to us. So we wanted to go to our favorite restaurant. Texas Roadhouse.(!!!) We called ahead for a time and thank goodness we did because even with call ahead it was an hour and 50 minutes wait. So we arrive. We follow the waitress. We sit down. (All pretty normal so far? Keep reading.) So then Josh excuses himself to use the restroom... The next thing I know. I see Josh come around the corner. Almost knocking down a waitress and he has this kid in a candy store look on his face. So of course I'm intrigued.  And he says the word... Baby. It's not really the word it self. It's the WAY it is said. It's been a key word in our marriage that goes beyond endearment for us. It's at times said in a way that signals to us. Pay attention cause you BIGTIME wanna hear this. Or look look look! (This applies mostly to Penny. Or the occasional outfit publicly gone bad) But in a more covert fashion. It's a loaded word. Said in a loaded way. Like a delicious potato.  Now. That being said. Josh says THAT word in THAT way. So like I said. I'm intrigued. I think to myself... he just went to the bathroom... right?

If only i had baby... if only i had. 


My bladder is full to bursting so as politely as i can i say excuse me and hurry to the restroom.  Upon entering i notice nobody standing at the urinal so i shuffle in and handle my business.  As im finishing up a father comes in with his little girl.  She looks to be about 5 or 6 years old and she is potty dancing like a star.  Not entirely out of place so i pay no special attention to this.  He however points to the stall and says okay go ahead.  She throws the stall open like and enters so happy go lucky and disappears for a minute. Im at the sink now washing my hands and preparing for a night out with my wife and as im checking myself out in the mirror....you know cause im danged handsome and i gots ta quality check...i see her come out.  I think to myself thats pretty quick for a girl, even one so young.  Her dad has the same idea and he asks "are you done?"


"No" she says like it's of no concern to anyone, "there's someone in there."


WHAAAAT! No Way! im thinkin to myself how was it so quiet if she bust in on somebody doing what goes down in the stalls.


At this point i stop a little, im interested and broke the number one rule of the mens room....i was staring.  
Her dad looks at the stall which still has the door thrown open for all to see, and says "what?"
The little girl says "i went in and there is somebody in there using the bathroom."


Im giggling a little bit now thinking that poor guy in the stall has gots to be fa-rea-king out about this girl just stepping in on him and about the look on his face when I see the DAD walk into the stall! To verify his daughters story!
Yes! the stall where some poor random dude was relaxing in his bastion of solitude when an impetulant little girl meanders in and out, followed closely by her DAD.
 He stops, finding that yes. There was "someone in there." Holds up his hand and says "sorry dude."  Then quietly as he entered he left the all too crowded stall with a shy smile and a wave...like its all good now.  He then decides only then though its probably a good idea to wait his turn for the stall.


So josh tells me this story. Then he stops dead and says. "That's him right there baby! That's him right there!" The stall victim is sitting at a booth behind us at the restaurant! He apparently was a BSU fan and had 3 long graying braids hanging down his back. So I turn to look at him and hear him say to his table mates.
"Well that could have gotten awkward real quick."
I don't know how that guy be living his life but that seemed pretty dang awkward to me!
just sayin.

What I came home to! I Love this Holiday!

 It was a huge chocolate candy box! With a heart shaped out of the candies.

 The card he had waiting for me! It was a talking card that was hilarious! He also had a card he hand made in his communications class. I still need a pic of that one to put up.

Valentines date outfit! Yay! for red!